Sexuality and labelling

A person's sexual behaviour does not always represent his or her sexual orientation. Often people jump to conclusions and try and 'box' people into certain categories because of their behaviour, appearance, beliefs and so on.

People may choose to be sexually active with a person from the opposite sex, but actually wish they were with the same sex. Other people can behave in ways that are more or less traditionally 'masculine' or 'feminine', eg women may play football or men enjoy needlework. This does not mean that they identify as GLBTIQ.

It is very difficult to imagine how sexual orientation, or other human behaviours and emotions, can be expected to be 'permanent'. It is much more realistic to have an open mind and accept that each individual will have his or her own lifestyle and it cannot be 'boxed' into a category. For some people, sexual orientation does not stay the same. Instead they change during their lives, depending on circumstances, other people in their life and the environment.

Discovering your sexuality

• Are you noticing changes within yourself that are making you feel like a sexual person all of a sudden?
• Do you feel like the changes in your body (see the topic Puberty) have changed the way you are feeling emotionally?

Discovering your sexuality means "getting in touch" with who you are sexually. You may start to want and desire things or people that you didn't before. For example, when you were a young girl you might have hated all the boys at school, just because they were boys. But now you are feeling an attraction to boys.

You may be experiencing different sensations in your body that make you want to be intimate with another person. This is all related to your developing sexuality.

Because developing sexual feelings and attractions happen at a different rate for everybody, it is important to explore your sexuality at a rate that you feel comfortable with. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything that you do not want to do. (See our topic Pressure to have sex). If you are worried talk to someone you trust about it.

If somebody contemplates their sexuality and identifies that they may be same-sex attracted (or GLBTIQ) then understanding and developing their sexuality can be especially difficult.

Although the challenge of coming out (see our topic Coming out) about your sexual identity may be frightening, having to mask your real feelings can also be very difficult. Many people have positive experiences of disclosing to loved ones that they are GLBTIQ. If you can identify with these issues in your life at the moment, try and talk to someone who can support you and listen to you – check out the resources section below.

Some of the questions you might be asking yourself about your sexuality could include:

• What is happening to me?
• Why is this happening to me?
• Am I GLBTIQ?
• Is there anyone I can tell

Accepting yourself may take some time. It may take weeks, months or years to move from those initial feelings/thoughts to identifying as GLBTIQ.

Myths about sexuality

Like most things, there are many myths surrounding sexuality and sexual orientation. Take the time to be a myth buster.

Myth No. 1
There are very few bisexuals. People are either completely homosexual or heterosexual.

Research suggests that few people are predominantly heterosexual or homosexual in their actions, feelings, thoughts, or sexual fantasies. Most people fall somewhere on the continuum between these two extremes and have the capacity to experience both affection and sexual feelings for members of both sexes.

Myth No. 2
GLBTIQ are only a small percentage of the population.

Research has also shown that approximately 10% of the population is predominantly same sex attracted. Approximately one in every four families has a member who is predominantly same sex attracted.

The vast majority of same sex attracted people cannot be identified by looks or effeminate/masculine characteristics. The small number of same sex attracted people who behave like this do so because they want to be known as same sex attracted or in rebellion of traditional sex roles. Many straight people appear to be sex attracted for this last reason. Stereotypes persist due to the way sex attracted people are portrayed in the media.